Bitter Ness, A Slightly Off Tale for Children


A while back, I started a project called, “Slightly off Children’s Stories”. They were meant to be simple stories with straightforward messages that  children could pick up easily could also appeal to an adult crowd.

Sometimes I would get carried away with appealing to the adults.

So, without further ado, I present:


Bitter Ness

There was once a young man named Ness who lived for the comfort of food. His friend that was a girl, Beth, (who bares no relation to any persons living at all, especially not anybody whom the author would know) also liked the comfort of food, so they were always ate together.

One day, Beth decided that she had enough of the comfort of food and stopped going to dinner with Ness.

Sad and lonely, Ness went to a restaurant with an electric sign called Shopelessi. (Unfortunately neither the s or I in the sign were on)

When he got inside, a waiter told him, “We only serve one dish here. It’s a rough fruit.”

Ness shrugged and said, “It doesn’t matter. Give me one.”

He bit into the fruit and found that it was very bitter.

The waiter shook his head and said, “Told you.” The waiter also asked, “Where is my tip?”

Needless to say, this restaurant left Ness with a bad taste in his mouth.

Also a literal one. Everything he ate, no matter where he went, tasted bitter.

He tried and again and again and again but in the end there wasn’t a happy Ness to be found at any restaurant in town.

One day, while eating chicken at the Parakeet restaurant, Ness noticed a happy couple of guys enjoying a steak dish.

Then he got a mean idea.

Ness went over to the couple while they were in between bites and yelled, “Wow! Isn’t this terrible? This steak is tough, hard to swallow and not even close to perfect!”

The couple just laughed and smiled. One of the men said, “We’re enjoying our meat just fine.”

The other man at the table said, “Yeah, it takes some getting used to, but it’s worth it.”

Feeling defeated, Ness skulked away.

The next night, Ness travelled to a sushi restaurant.

While finding the wasabi bitter, he noticed a couple of joyous women sitting at a table. Their food hadn’t arrived yet.

Ness got another mean idea.

He went over to the table and said, “I’m sorry you decided to commit to this. I hear it takes pretty long to be satisfied over here.”

The two women laughed and smiled.

One of the women said, “Yeah, this sort of thing takes some getting used to, but it’s okay.”

The other woman said, “Even if it doesn’t work out in the end, it’s still worth trying at least once.”

Feeling defeated once more, Ness stomped off.

The next night, Ness was devising a new plan at a standard, plain looking restaurant.

This time he’d talk to a couple after they had eaten!

Ness waited for a while, but the guy and the girl sitting at the table seemed to go on eating forever.

He turned away, ready to stomp out again, until he noticed a girl glaring at this duo of diners.

Ness went over to the girl and asked, “Why are you glaring at them?”

The girl turned to him and said, “Look at them. They’re so satisfied, having their perfect little meal, pretending that food always tastes wonderful and new…ugh, they’re idiots!”

A smile crept onto Ness’ face. “They’re absolute imebiciles!” he declared.

The girl smiled as well.

“Here you go, ma’am!” the waiter said, bringing the girl some fries.

“Do you want these?” the girl asked.

Ness tilted his head and said, “You’d share your food with me? Why?”

The girl sighed and said, “Ever since I ate this one fruit, everything has tasted bitter.”

Ness and this new friend that was a girl would end up talking until the restaurant closed that night.

Just before they each went home, the girl told him that her name was Carol, (Again, no relation to anyone dead).

The next night, they made fun of another couple enjoying their food at a fast food restaurant.

It became kind of their thing.

And although neither of them noticed…

Over time…

Like three and a half weeks…

The bitterness in their mouths both went away.

As a matter of fact, if you happened to catch Ness and Carol at a restaurant and asked them how the food is…

They might just say that it’s actually pretty sweet.


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