AreteAdvice Volume 2: Spacey Love

Welcome to the second edition of AreteAdvice. I figured since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I’d answer two (sort of) relationship questions. Without further ado:

What do you do when you forget a friend/significant other’s birthday?

Dear Forgetful,

I’ll be upfront with you right away: I’m guilty of this. A lot. In fact, without facebook, I would probably be a serial birthday forgetter. So how do you avoid being one of those people who scribbles on a facebook wall at 11 pm? (Also me) A couple of tips.

Put the birthdays of your closest friends in your phone…now. This may sound time-consuming, but not in the 21st century. First, pick your closest friends. If you want to expand it to your entire acapella group or Biology class, feel free. But start off with five friends. After finding out their birthdays, (which again, should be through facebook/hiring a private investigator), put them into your phone or on a calendar. Set a reminder 24 hours before their bday. Why? So you have enough time to grab a present/make a card/buy an Applebee’s gift card.*

(*You can do better)

And notice, you can use this method for virtually everything! Your parents’ anniversary, your conception date and of course, the anniversary in your own relationship.

But what if, despite all of your preparation, you still find yourself forgetting? You go big or go home. In this case, you’re upfront with your friend. You had a busy week. Thwarting your mortal enemies’ plans in the middle of a live volcano takes a lot out of you. So in exchange, you do something on a grander scale for your friend. So that card turns into a fully recorded video. Cake? Try cake and chicken wings. This maneuver especially works if your friend has a birthday on a busy/workday.

Use these tips and you’ll never forget a birthday-you’ll be too prepared…or too scared to attempt last year’s belated birthday celebration with left shark from the superbowl.

When not to do sex?

Dear Timing,

Sex is both a natural part of the human life as well as enjoyable (when done right). It can be so enjoyable that you might not know when to not do it. Here’s a short list of some frowned upon times do not do sex:

-Funeral Homes

-Divorce Proceedings**

-DMV (You’ll lose your place in line)

-Recreations of the Titanic Sinking

-At the Scene of the Crime (Watch CSI)

-In a Washing Machine

**80/20 on this one.

On a semi-serious note, you should also avoid sex in front of recording device. Why? Here’s a short list of pros and cons:

Pros

You can watch it later, reminiscing on good times

Cons

It can be leaked.

Your lighting/direction may leave something to desired on later viewings. Ever wonder why X-rated movies have an entire crew instead of lone webcam?

It can be leaked to the internet.

You probably make weird faces.

It’s a potential source of blackmail. You know why?

IT CAN BE LEAKED.

I hope this quick guide helped you gain the presence of mind when not to do sex, timing ;)!

For more advice, send your questions to areteadvice@gmail.com. Your questions will always be credited as anonymous.

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