I’m Not A Woman

International Women’s Day (which should happen much more often than one day) was just a few days back. In the spirit of the day, I thought I’d share this monologue with you all. Enjoy :).


I’m Not A Woman. I know that may come as a surprise to most of you here, but, I’m not. Yet…by my growing and upbringing, many people seem to have implied that I was. I ran like a girl when I was younger, stop being a sissy girl in the teenage years when I shrank back from birthday punches and when I cried in front of my last girlfriend, she said, “Stop being such a woman.” My ex. She’s fun. Point is, being a woman has become something negative and I’m not sure how we got there.

(quick pause) Why am I speaking to you on a social platform like I have some pull? I work at Walmart. It’s exactly how you think it is. (quick pause) Great! Like yesterday! I was working and I saw a boy, no older than my younger sister, reach for a Barbie doll. Only to have it slapped out of his hand. He squealed. It wasn’t exactly birthday punch, but it still hurt him. Then his father said, “what do you need that for? You’re a boy.” The boy says, and I admire this kids’ courage, which in that moment seemed more than I’d ever have, as he turns to his father and says, “I’m a boy who wants a Barbie.” In the ideal world, the father freezes. A slow clap begins a chorus of applause that radiates from the back of the store to the spot where he’s standing. Male cashiers rain Barbie dolls into his cart saying, “This one’s on us. Thanks for being the boy we couldn’t be.” The kid would be hounded with praise and celebration. The dad would realize the error of his ways and start accepting his son for who he was, not for who he wanted him to be. Never again would he say like a girl, or sissy or woman in negative tones again.

But as in all other places, Walmart is the real world, and as such, his father hit him. Once. Now twice. By the third time I wonder if its punishment or if the dad is hiding something deeper. I go over there to find out. Stupid, right? Getting in the middle of that? But I went. I pull the dad off the kid and say, “Leave him alone, it’s just a Barbie doll.” And he says…nothing. Just punches me. I can still feel it a little. (rubs sore cheek) I got punched for a Barbie doll, and not even for Black Friday. Weird, right? Wrong, right? (Pauses)

I’m not a woman. I can’t imagine how it feels like to be one in a world like this. But let me tell you, if you think that “like a girl” is a stupid insult, you’re not alone. And do me a favor, if you’re ever at Walmart, and you see a dad try to hit his son over a Barbie doll, call security. They make five bucks more. Plus the security women in my store are tough.


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