To close out April, I figured I’d toss out one more screenplay I was working on back in college. (This seemed to be the month of Screenplays). Enjoy!

A Magician is on stage doing his act, but he keeps messing up his tricks. Three guys from the audience heckle him.
Tommy: You should pull a rabbit out the hat, instead of trying to pull this show out your ass.
Crowd: (Applauds Tommy)
Magician: Very funny. But I’ll get the next trick right. (pulls out cards)
We see the drug dealer and another man.
Drug dealer: Got the money?
Guy: Yeah, yeah. I swear.
Drug Dealer: Here you go. (hands the guy a brown paper bag. The guy’s hands are shaking so bad he drops it)
We then transition to the magician, dropping his cards on stage.
Sam: You’d have better luck turning tricks like Sexy Sally!
Crowd: (Applauds)
Magician: Who the hell is Sally?
Sam: Local girl, maybe you should pay her a visit to make your night fun!
Guy: time to have some fun. (he shoots up the drug into his bloodstream, we see him react to the high)
Magician: This next trick is gonna be great. I have a super-secret power. I’m a hypnotist. If I was a superhero…
Jed: If you were a superhero, your power would be to suck!
Crowd: (Applauds, standing ovation to the hecklers)
Guy: ( he realizes something is wrong. He starts shaking we watch him convulse)
Magician: Stop! Stop! (the crowd is too loud. He gives up and Leaves the stage)
Guy: (he stops shaking and slumps up against the alley walk. We see him stop moving, needle rolling out of his hand)
Security Guard: You three, let’s go.
Tommy, Sam and Jed: What?
Security Guard: Come on, get out of here.
Sam: Thanks everyone, it was great show! (Crowd applauds as the security guard pushes them out into the alley)
The three friends stumble into the alley. They look and see the guy who overdosed on drugs, and are horrified.
Magician: Hey!
The three friends turn around. The magician has a pendulum of some sorts, and starts hypnotizing them.
Magician: You are getting sleepy.
They try to resist, but are too shaken up. They all become hypnotized
Magician: When you hear the word enough, you’ll snap out of it. Until then, you will do as I command. Nod if you understand.
The three friends nod
Magician: Told you I could hypnotize people. How about I heckle you? Huh? Huh? Like you (Points to Tommy) With those beats! We should call you beats man! Whats your superpower? Beating people? (Points to Scags) And you? With your cup of coffee? What’s your power, you get faster when you drink coffee or something? And you? (points to Jed) With your big puffy coat? I bet you think you’re invincible huh? You…you should get more coats! (Laughs, the three friends stand there, still hypnotized) So…
The magician notices the guy who overdosed. He walks past the friends
Magician: Holy shit. Look at this. The guy, is dead. Right outside a fucking comedy club. This is wrong. I mean, I knew this city was bad, but holy shit. It’s…it’s real bad. You know what this place needs? Not a comedian. It needs…heroes. People with superpowers punching the bad guys into submission. That go into action as soon as they hear danger. (he turns to the guys) Wow, I think this….this is the longest time anyone’s listened to me without booing or laughing.
(Close up on the three friends, completely out of it)
Magician: (Smiling) Thanks guys. Now… (Sirens are heard in the background) Oh shit, the police! We can’t be here when they get here, they might think we did it! (the magician starts running away) Guys! Come on! (realizes) Oh, right. Enough guys! Enough!
(The three friends snap out of it, look at the body and hear the sirens. They run.)



(May be a repost, but If this gets enough response, this trailer will be made. Enjoy!)

A muscled, young, mustachioed man named Tejada opens a motel room door and turns on a light. He places his suitcase on the bed and unzips it.
Movie Announcer: He’s a brutal hitman for the Mexican drug cartels.
Tejada: (Takes clothes out of suitcase and places them on bed)
Ivy: (a young, beautiful, Asian woman enters the room) Hello.
Movie Announcer: She’s a brutal assassin for the Chinese triads.
Tejada: Hola.
Ivy: Did the motel tell you we’re sharing a room?
Tejada: Si, they told me there was a double booking error.
Movie Announcer: And they have been assigned to kill each other.
Ivy: I’m thinking of getting takeout later. What are you in the mood for?
Tejada: (Gripping concealed machete) Chinese.
Ivy: (Gripping concealed katanas) Really? Because I am in the mood for Mexican! (Attacks and they have an epic sword battle)
Movie Announcer: But they didn’t account for one thing…
(In the middle of their epic fight, where Tejada’s shirt has disappeared and Ivy’s shirt has exposed her midriff they hear something strange and both go to the motel window.)
Tejada: (Sees mariachi band) All my cousins are in that band.
Ivy: (Sees Chinese dragon) My cousins are under that dragon.
(The dragon members and the mariachi band members shake hands)
Tejada &Ivy: Together?
(Everyone outside takes out guns and shoots the motel room, Ivy and Tejada duck, then somebody throws a grenade into the room, EXPLOSION)
Movie Announcer: …That they would be betrayed by their countries.
Tejada: (standing atop of rubble) It was a set up!
Ivy: (covered in mud, somehow) We were tricked!
Movie Announcer: Now they must work together…
Ivy: We must now work together.
Tejada: Sii. (shakes hands with Ivy)
Movie Announcer: And get revenge in the greatest country on Earth: AMERICA!
Ivy: Land of the free.
Tejada: Home of the (loading gun) MUERTE. And the brave. (they both hold up black power fists)
Movie Announcer: They’ll go undercover…
Tejada: (wheeling taco cart into house) Mr. Smith, I have your tacos!
Smith: I didn’t order any tacos.
Ivy: (Jumping out of taco cart) Maybe you ordered some lo mein! (throws noodles into Smiths’ face)
Movie Announcer: They’ll face an enemy team…
Pablo: (pointing gun at Ivy) I’m Pablo Enrique Montoya Rodriguez Sanchez Gonzales Emanuel Rosario Juan Martinez the third.
Po: (pointing gun at Tejada) And I’m Po. Prepare to die!
Movie Announcer: And find love…
Ivy: (in a bathrobe) Mr. Tejada, can I play with your machete?
Tejada: Only if you let me touch your katanas. (Leans in for a kiss)
Movie Announcer: In their quest to save the President of the United States.
Ivy: They are going to kill the president!
Tejada: No me gusta.
Movie Announcer: Next November, prepare to see Ivy Cheung as Ivy!
(Shot of Ivy dressed as a ninja killing a man with chopsticks)
Movie Announcer: Tejada as Tejada!
(Shot of Tejada with a fake mustache and sombrero, killing a man with moraccas.)
Movie Announcer: Morgan Freeman!
(Shot of Morgan Freeman nodding slowly)
Movie Announcer: Michelle Rodriguez!
(Appears on screen, instantly gets shot)
Movie Announcer: And Arnold Schwarzenegger as the President!
President Arnold: I’ll be back…for a second term! (Explosion in the background)
Movie Announcer: IN…TAKEOUT: THE MOVIE!* NOVEMBER 2015. This film is rated R for “raw action”. Parental guidance suggested. Even for the parents. This movie is intense.
*Based on a true story.